First Date
by Her Sweetness
Summary: In an attempt to satisfy an apple-less Ryuuk, Raito is forced to take the shinigami out on a date. Crackish!oneshot.


Title: _First Date_

Rating: _PG_

Summary: _In an attempt to satisfy an apple-less Ryuuk, Raito is forced to take the shinigami out on a date. _

A/N: _Oh for… I can't believe it but… I actually LIKE writing for Ryuuk… It's… astounding… I shall KILL Compy._

* * *

"Ryuuk."

"Ryuuk, listen to me."

"Ryuuk!"

"Oh, huh? Raito, did you say something?"

"I said a lot of somethings, Ryuuk." Raito groaned and leant back in his swivel chair to look at the shinigami who was laying on his bed, watching television. He was obviously having a hard time dividing his attention between the TV and Raito so Raito turned it off.

"Hey!" he objected. "I wanted to see the ending."

"What was that anyway?"

"A soap opera."

"… _Why_-"

"It was totally awesome."

Raito sighed and massaged his temples - a habit as of late. "Listen, Ryuuk, we need to have a talk. It's about all the money I'm spending on these apples of yours… they aren't cheap."

"How much can an apple be?"

"Twenty cents. Times ten a day, times seven days a week is a lot of money. I don't have a lot of money, Ryuuk, I don't have a job. I study. And that doesn't pay no matter _what_ Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking say."

Ryuuk blinked. "Who're they?"

"Ugh, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is, I get that money from my parents and they wonder where it's all going since I'm obviously not spending it on clothes."

Finally, Ryuuk could see where this was going. He began to panic. "Wait a minute, Raito! We could trick them… I'll let you borrow my clothes so it'll look like you bought some new ones."

"… I thought you couldn't take those off?"

"I'll try!" he pleaded.

"No, Ryuuk. I'm going to have to stop buying you apples for a while."

Ryuuk looked at Raito like he was a heartless, mass-murderer and then stopped upon realizing that he actually was.

Raito frowned. "Come on, Ryuuk. Don't be that way, it's not my fault… there must be something else you want. Something I could get you?"

Ryuuk paused, thinking.

Silence.

Then, "Oh! Okay!"

"What?"

"I want to go on a real, human date," he said, pointing to the television. "Like on that soap opera."

Raito stared. "You… you what?"

"Yeah, you be Steve and I'll be Barbara."

"I'm not playing Steve."

"You want it the other way around?"

"Yes - no! What's the matter with you? Don't you know how weird it is already with me walking around with an imaginary friend? If I went out on a date with one… The whole town would talk! I'd stick out like a sore thumb."

"You shouldn't care so much what others think."

"What about _L_? What if _he_ sees?" Raito asked, becoming hysterical. He would _not_ date his shinigami. Would not, would _not_.

"It'll just look like you're walking around by yourself."

"I'll seem desperate and pathetic," Raito huffed.

"… How's that different from-"

"Shut up. Look, just let me think a moment." Raito turned back to his desk and held his head in his hands. What in the world was Ryuuk thinking? He couldn't be serious. But then Raito looked back over his shoulder at Ryuuk's scary, expectant face and groaned to himself. He sat up straight and looked Ryuuk in the eye. "If I take you on this date… will you not bother me for apples for a very long time?"

"Sure!" He nodded. 

Raito squinted an eye at him.

Ryuuk extended his hand. "Pinky-swear?"

"No thanks."

* * *

That evening as Raito walked down the driveway of his house, pulling his jacket on, Ryuuk was floating beside him excitedly. 

"I can't believe it! This is awesome - I'm like Steve now!"

"Excuse me, _I'm_ Steve," Raito grumbled, securing his hat.

"You said you didn't wanna be Steve."

"Well, I change my _mind_."

Ryuuk didn't seem to mind Raito's less than cheery demeanor and hummed to himself the theme song of some soap opera or another. He looked down on Raito as they walked. "So, what are we going to do?"

"Standard date, a movie and then dinner."

"Does dinner come with an apple?"

"Sure."

"What about two apples?"

"Don't push it."

* * *

The east side of town, where all the nightlife was, came alive with bright lights and Raito had to murmur little snaps at Ryuuk to keep the shinigami from following bypassing apple carts. They eventually came to a movie theater and, standing a length from the ticket booth, Raito looked up at Ryuuk inconspicuously. 

"What do you want to see?" he muttered.

"Uhh." Ryuuk read the board over the ticket booth. "What's _Strawberry Gumdrop _about?"

"No."

Ryuuk blinked. "Okay… how about a horror film?"

Raito shrugged. "That sounds good."

"Great!"

When it was their turn in line, the clerk, who couldn't have been any older than Raito himself, smiled at the brunet. "Hey, welcome to Cinema 6, what would you like to see?"

"_Stabby-Stab-Stab 3_, please." Raito slid his money through the glass.

"Okay." The ticket popped out. "Here you… Hey… you seem familiar."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do! You go to my high school, right? Yagami Raito?"

"Shh. You never saw me." Raito took the ticket and scuttled inside the theatre, keeping his jacket collar turned up out of paranoia. 

The clerk blinked after him. "Um… nice talking to you?"

* * *

As Raito and Ryuuk were walking through the lobby, Ryuuk commented, "You're not very social, you know. You seem so conspicuous that way."

"No, I don't," Raito said matter-of-factly as he shuffled along.

Ryuuk shrugged and looked over at the concession stand. "Oh! Oh, Raito, look, they have-"

"No, Ryuuk."

"… You're not a very affectionate date, Raito."

* * *

Finally, they were in their theater. They had gotten there just in the knick of time, too, because the lights had just gone down and the previews had ended. 

"Ah, I hate this," Raito muttered, mostly to himself. "I can't see crap in the dark."

"You should've listened when your mom told you that you need glasses."

"Shut up for _two minutes_!" he whispered harshly as he negotiated around the people sitting in their seats already.

Ryuuk followed him. "Just two?" he asked.

Raito growled, his eyes dilating. "Ryuuk!"

Everyone in that row turned to him. "_SHHH_!"

Raito sighed and nodded at them and sat in a seat he'd found that was next to another for Ryuuk to sit in. They both settled down and it took a while but Raito finally got into the movie, taking astute pleasure in all the blood-spillage and Ryuuk was laughing hysterically at the entire thing. 

Raito chose to ignore him and was so happy that no one else could hear him.

Just then an obese woman came squeezing down the row of seats and Raito scowled at her when she displayed her large rump in front of him as she passed. She then sat right beside him and Ryuuk looked down at her sitting on - or through - him. 

Ryuuk and Raito exchanged glances. 

"… Okay, now I'm uncomfortable."

Raito shrugged, turning back to the movie screen. 

Ryuuk looked at him incredulously. "You're Steve - do something!"

"I'm not Steve!"

"SHHHH!"

Raito brooded in his chair silently. 

A few moments of silence passed with Raito, Ryuuk and the fat woman. Then Ryuuk decided to disrupt it by turning to Raito and saying, "I'm scared."

"… What?" he mumbled, sparing Ryuuk a glance.

"Put your arm around me."

"… _Huh_?" 

"Please? I didn't even get any snacks from the concession stand," Ryuuk said, frowning. "If you don't, you'll be ruining my first ever date."

For whatever reason, that seemed to sway Raito and he put his arm over the back of Ryuuk's chair.

And got a smack from the woman residing in it.

* * *

"That's quite a shiner you got there, Raito."

"Shut up."

"Where're we going to eat?"

Raito groaned. "Down the street."

"Cool. I hope they have a lot of apple dishes."

Raito rolled his eyes and stopped with a few other pedestrians at a corner, waiting for the light to say 'walk'. "Listen, Ryuuk," he said, pretending like he was talking into a Bluetooth, "if the people at the restaurant see food going into thin air and disappearing, it'll seem…"

"Seem what?"

"_Paranormal_."

"I'll just eat under the table. No one will be the wiser, right?"

Raito sighed.

* * *

They arrived at a quaint restaurant on the east side and Raito got them a table in the very back, a booth. They were awaiting service and Raito reminded Ryuuk again, "Please, don't be conspicuous."

"I never am - it's always you acting so uptight."

"I do not."

"You act like you're ashamed to be out with me."

"Hello, sir! What can I get for you?" 

Raito looked up from his menu laying on the table to see a girl in a black skirt (much too revealing for someone with that much cellulite to be wearing) at his table. He nodded at her and then sent Ryuuk some suggestive looks.

"Oh!" Ryuuk looked over his shoulder at his menu. "I want the apple tart, apple pie, apple flambé with extra apple and a martini with a wedge of apple in it."

"I'll have the spaghetti and the apple tart."

Ryuuk gaped. "But I wanted more!"

The waitress nodded. "Okay, be back with your food."

She left the two of them alone to regard each other and Ryuuk seemed extremely put-off. "You're a horrible date, Steve. No wonder Barbara dumped you in the end of season six."

"Ryuuk…"

"Oh, was that a spoiler?"

"Just be thankful. I'd bet most shinigami don't get to go out with humans." Raito happened to glance around and people at neighboring tables went sending him wry glances. Raito faked a smile and pointed to his ear. "Ah… Bluetooth."

They blinked and slowly turned back to their meals.

In a moment, the chunky waitress came back to their table with Raito's spaghetti and Ryuuk's apple tart. She winked and said, "Enjoy," and left. 

Raito began on his spaghetti and looked at Ryuuk with mild interest. "Don't forget to go under the table when you eat that."

Ryuuk frowned.

"What's wrong now?"

Ryuuk picked up the plate and dumped the tart into his mouth.

"AHHHH! _GHOST_!" a woman at the next table screamed and her husband bellowed out of fear, beginning an uproar in the restaurant.

Raito sat fuming as the chaos around them grew. 

* * *

About an hour later, after Raito had managed to duck the manager of the restaurant and make it out of there without getting his name and face documented as being a witness to paranormal activity. 

He and Ryuuk stood at the door of Raito's house and Ryuuk scratched his head. "Isn't this where the goodnight kiss is supposed to be."

"You're _not_ getting a kiss. Do you know how much trouble you caused tonight?"

"Ah, come on. Was it really that bad?"

"Yes," Raito said and opened the door, slamming it shut behind himself.

Ryuuk heard as the angry teenager stomped up the stairs and he stuck his head through the door. "Uh… Raito? You know I'm just going to follow you, right?"

"Shut up!"

* * *

The next day at the current hotel where the Task Force and L were working on the Kira Case, Raito was going casually about his business when L turned to him from his odd sitting position on the couch. 

"And by the way, Raito… my surveillance cameras on the east side picked up you walking around to Cinema 6 and a local restaurant…"

Raito halted, looking uncomfortable as the rest of the Task Force looked at him.

"By yourself?" Matsuda asked.

Raito grit his teeth. "Yes, I was lonely."

* * *

A/N: _Well… it was odd. XD But fun to write in the wee hours of the morning. Tell me what you thought?_


End file.
